I'm a bit of a cry baby. Some of you know this already. I cry when I read the news. I cry when I see roadkill. And I often cry when I try something new.
My husband is probably used to this by now. He has taken me on many adventures & I usually end up crying at some point. Not sobbing really, but just a silent flow of tears. I cried when we climbed Half Dome, when he taught me how to snowboard, & yesterday when we went kayaking for the very first time. It sounds very unlikeable & babyish doesn't it? Well, for me, it's a cumulation of fear & anxiety from hearing of too many mis-haps and the general sense I grew up with that, for whatever reason, I just can't accomplish certain things.
This is how I felt yesterday. Afraid of all the things that could happen, panicked about not being in total control, and the pervasive feeling of, "you're so not a kayaker'.
But after my momentary panic subsided & as we ventured out onto the gray & wide Willamette River...my husband said, "Isn't it funny how things can seem so scary at first?"
And I thought, yes it is funny. Funny-ish. But true. Paddling away I recalled many others times I was scared witless and then somehow my brain clicked & overcame and then, well- things became easier & enjoyable.
I know I will get scared & cry again. Probably sometime soon. But I take comfort in knowing there is a mysterious little voice inside that will invariably say, "Allisa, you can do this."
That's awesome! I'm super glad to hear you managed to enjoy the kayaking!
ReplyDeleteOmg, I'm so glad to hear someone else does this! Most recently, a girlfriend took a bunch of us paddle boarding for her birthday. I'm not coordinated or adventurous, but it was her birthday, so I went. I paddled out on my knees, but the minute I stood up on the board and had to start paddling, the current was moving me, everyone was ahead of me, and the silent stream of tears came out. I was terrified of falling in the cold water. I eventually went so far left on the current that I was about to run into people's boat docks! I popped back down on my knees, ducked under the docks, paddled through, and finished the next 2 hours of paddle boarding Pocahontas-style!
ReplyDeleteLesson learned: I can do lots of things, but I'm aware of my limits. lol
This can apply to so many things in life. I laugh when I'm anxious, but it's the same, I think. You still try/do the thing that you fear and eventually embrace it. Crybabies don't get in kayaks :)
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