I'm a bit of a cry baby. Some of you know this already. I cry when I read the news. I cry when I see roadkill. And I often cry when I try something new.
My husband is probably used to this by now. He has taken me on many adventures & I usually end up crying at some point. Not sobbing really, but just a silent flow of tears. I cried when we climbed Half Dome, when he taught me how to snowboard, & yesterday when we went kayaking for the very first time. It sounds very unlikeable & babyish doesn't it? Well, for me, it's a cumulation of fear & anxiety from hearing of too many mis-haps and the general sense I grew up with that, for whatever reason, I just can't accomplish certain things.
This is how I felt yesterday. Afraid of all the things that could happen, panicked about not being in total control, and the pervasive feeling of, "you're so not a kayaker'.
But after my momentary panic subsided & as we ventured out onto the gray & wide Willamette River...my husband said, "Isn't it funny how things can seem so scary at first?"
And I thought, yes it is funny. Funny-ish. But true. Paddling away I recalled many others times I was scared witless and then somehow my brain clicked & overcame and then, well- things became easier & enjoyable.
I know I will get scared & cry again. Probably sometime soon. But I take comfort in knowing there is a mysterious little voice inside that will invariably say, "Allisa, you can do this."
3 comments :
That's awesome! I'm super glad to hear you managed to enjoy the kayaking!
Omg, I'm so glad to hear someone else does this! Most recently, a girlfriend took a bunch of us paddle boarding for her birthday. I'm not coordinated or adventurous, but it was her birthday, so I went. I paddled out on my knees, but the minute I stood up on the board and had to start paddling, the current was moving me, everyone was ahead of me, and the silent stream of tears came out. I was terrified of falling in the cold water. I eventually went so far left on the current that I was about to run into people's boat docks! I popped back down on my knees, ducked under the docks, paddled through, and finished the next 2 hours of paddle boarding Pocahontas-style!
Lesson learned: I can do lots of things, but I'm aware of my limits. lol
This can apply to so many things in life. I laugh when I'm anxious, but it's the same, I think. You still try/do the thing that you fear and eventually embrace it. Crybabies don't get in kayaks :)
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