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Intentions for 2012

Saturday, January 07, 2012

I've been planning to write down my goals for 2012. I actually wrote my to-do list to write down my goals. I scribbled down some notes and ideas for my goals. I took out the large piece of paper I use to proudly proclaim my goals. I even resolved to achieve my goals (wait, what?). 

But I haven't written down anything yet. 

Then, this morning, I read Jessica's post at Oh My Handmade about intention and became clear. I've avoided any resolutions for 2012 because for me, resolutions lead to crazy-making.  I'm so hard on myself. Like super critical and guilt-inducing hard on myself. In moments of clarity, I see that I often set myself up for failure. I give myself crazy 'tests' that are meant to prove something (to myself) but usually just end up in guilt or disappointment or moments of 'now what'? (like: let's see how long I can go with not eating any sugar. any.) Resolutions become something that sort of loom over me, a daily measurement of success or failure. I don't want to live my year like that.

If I look back at this year it was one filled with high hopes, lofty ideas, big dreams, amazing plans...I started off the year with a big ol sheet of resolutions. Things I said I would do. I had to do. I must do. 

morning (all day) sickness sidelined me longer than i expected.. 
my e-book changed direction and took ten times longer than I planned. 
i questioned what i was even doing. 
i longed for my special education classroom again. 
i spent hours looking at jobs...doubting whether staying at home was the right choice financially
our baby arrived and recovery was so difficult. 
he developed a swallowing disorder making eating traumatizing & breast feeding impossible. 
my older son had a sudden onset of seizure episodes.

basically....everything was different than I had imagined. 

Towards the end of 2011, all those resolutions now seemed sort of meaningless. I mean, so much had changed from last January to the birth of our son in June to a major refocus on health in August to renewal in November. There was no way I could hold myself to that same measurement stick....and, truth be told, those old goals seemed sort of silly. 

So, I'm not writing down any resolutions this year. And for goals, I'm just going to let them ebb & flow with our life. I'm taking Jessica's position and making intentions to embrace this new year. 

Would love to hear your intentions for 2012, please share what you've got in mind. 

{photo courtesy sweet blue, one of my all time favorite prints}

1 comment :

Marisa said...

Resolutions are so defeating. I definitely prefer "intentions." I intend to spend less time behind the computer this year.

May your 2012 be less crazy than 2011. :)

Oh, and my bag arrived today! I love it.